It takes work and dedication to keep a marriage together for years, often depending on the efforts of both partners — although it is not that uncommon to find one partner carrying more of the burden. Long lasting unions are special because of rough times overcome and the joy of truly discovering your partner.
Following are a few components you’ll find in good marriages:
Commitment: Both partners have to remain 100% committed to the union, i.e. divorce is not an option. According to a Todayshow.com article written in 2007 entitled 7 Secrets to a Long and Healthy Marriage: entering matrimony with the mindset that “divorce is not an option” is vital for the long-term success of marriage,” say the Marriage Masters (a term we gave couples who have been happily married over 40 years). They went on to explain that this kind of mindset allows a couple to seek solutions to marriage’s boiling points — “and trust us, not one of our interviewee couples avoided such periods of relational strife — which would have otherwise been overlooked simply because one eye was too busy examining exit strategies.”
Selflessness: In such relationships, God comes first, hence an obligation to treat each other right; “Love thy neighbor as thyself” is a mantra such couples live by. Spouses in these relationships usually put themselves, their needs and feelings second and automatically care about the thoughts and feelings of their partners.
Mutual respect — for strengths and shortcomings. Both acknowledge their shortcomings and are willing to work on them. John Gottman, MD, psychologist, relationship researcher, and founder of The Gottman Institute in Seattle in his book Seven Principles for Making Marriages Work wrote: “irreconcilable differences are normal, that you just have to come to terms with them, not try to resolve the unresolvable. On some level, that should have been obvious, but it hasn’t been“.
Knowing how to diffuse tensions: Couples learn to diffuse the heat and put out fires in their relationships. Susan Boon, PhD, social psychologist at the University of Calgary in Alberta, Canada, says “It can be humor; it can be whatever helps diffuse the escalating heat. In happy marriages, couples naturally do this. They deflect the anger, and get back on an even keel.“
Glow of love: Couples in long-term relationships are often unafraid to express true feelings whether positive or negative. They glow in the relationship and blossom with the support of each other. Both prefer spending time with each other. You don’t find pretense in such unions. Both recognize that sustaining the marriage is a work in progress; recognizing that they are best for each other and that both have contributed to the success of the union.
Team: A team spirit is unavoidably obvious here. Such couples have a common understanding of shared goals and visions, parenting roles, sexual expectations, and other decisions affecting the happiness and well-being of household. Partners here work together to provide a comfortable life for the family.
Marriage personifies the saying, “Anything that is worth having is worth fighting for…”
What video of Project Everlasting
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