by Imane Fawzy Nofal

On this day, I feel like a piece of potato in hot oil. Yes, I like to make French fries (potato chips). I used to wait for the oil to heat up before dropping in the potato strips; nowadays, I tend to put in one piece of potato into hot oil and watch the reaction – how bubbles of oil gather around the ‘poor potato finger’ which in turn reacts by ‘running around’ in the pan.

Yes, this is how I feel today – the hot bubbles of life are all around me, surrounding me as I try to figure things out. I feel the urge to write about something, however, I am experiencing a writer’s block; I can’t fight back. Moreover, I had a dispute with my husband that kind of darkened my day.

For me, marriage has never been a piece of cake; I believe it is the hardest challenge in the world. My beliefs about marriage are a result of a complex mixture of things I have been ‘taught’, experienced and ideas. Given the facts I have collected from life, such as my dad saying, “marriage is the art of manipulating conflict”, and the countless failing relationships I have seen, this is somewhat justified.

However, I so much believe that marriage is not the same as is portrayed on TV and by other images we see in life. In the Quran, God describes spouses as ‘the home for each other’; being crowned with ‘mercy’ and ‘forgiveness’. I have thus concluded that the core of marriage or any relationship is not love and passion. I even drew a triangle showing the three most important elements of a successful relationship. The triangle’s base is respect that grows to love which eventually leads to the bliss of mutual understanding.

It is really not that simple though. Simply put, men are not that easy to deal with; neither are women. They are two very different and often opposite creatures. After I got married, I could not stop pondering on these differences. And out of my insect phobia, I have reached a theory:

When was the last time you saw a grasshopper? I believe you probably got excited or got freaked out its cartoonish look. Did you notice the tentacles? What are they for anyway? Biologically, we know there are male grasshoppers and female grasshoppers. Tentacles are present in both, but I never heard that a female grasshopper has longer tentacles than the male grasshopper. The bottom-line is, they both have these two freaky-looking, flexible threads protruding out of their heads that work as sensors!

Here’s my theory: In my mind, I can assert that although invisible to the eye, the female tentacles are somehow longer than the male tentacles.  This is not as silly as it might seem, it speaks rather to the everlasting differences between these two groups. Marriage has given me an insight into such differences. I would say that men are more focused. Why? Because they are more shallow and ignorant of the details in things and situations; women on the other hand have more ‘wide-range’ thoughts due to their scrutiny of and attention to detail. This to me is like finding some divine balance between the strengths and weaknesses in both sexes.

Let’s see how this applies in real life. When a man is driving, he is more direction focused because all he sees is the road. However, the woman notices the road, the pavement, the shops, the actions of people, and the color of the sky. She might even be daydreaming at the same time!

Man’s clothes simply vary between T-shirts, chemises (shirts), trousers and shorts. A woman’s simplest wears are confined to T-shirts, chemises, blouses, tank-tops, trousers, shorts, skirts, veil (if she is veiled), matching accessories (rings, necklaces, earrings, bangles and bracelets), and fitting make-up.

A man speaks to deliver a straight-to-the point message whereas the woman’s words speak to and of a combination of feelings she might not herself understand.

When a man goes into the kitchen, he is focused on two main things; his hunger and the fastest food to prepare. When a woman goes into the kitchen, she wants to make delicious food for her husband, her kids and herself, she is keen on keeping her kitchen clean, she has to exert the least effort in making that meal because she knows she has dozens of other meals ahead and other household chores. Mentally, she might even be comparing her meal to the same delicious dish she had at a friend’s.

So, if your male partner or friend continues to ‘mistake’ a cup for a dish despite your gentle correction, do not blow up in rage. He is not teasing you! Simply put, his tentacles are only capable of grasping that this looks like a bowl that can serve him food. Just cut your tentacles shorter honey!

More of Imane’s writings on her blog: Express It 2 Live It

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