By Lema Abeng-Nsah (Twitter: @LemaNsah)
Marriage is a big step in life. The couple is excited, they settle in and “happily ever after” begins to unfold. A few months or years and some kids later, the union begins to seem more like a nightmare … like most of our mothers and a good number of married women today, the woman is doing everything in her power to hang in there BECAUSE of the KIDS, her happiness carefully stashed away on the back burner. It becomes all about “existing”, she is resigned to her fate.
“How did I get it so wrong? He seemed to be the one; my Mr Right – I thought he cared about me. He told me he loved me; he said he was ready to start a family. He did all these nice things while we were dating- held the door open, sent me flowers, took me out to dinner, remembered my birthday, was nice to my family. I thought we would be happy. What went wrong?” she wonders.
True, problems in marriages tend to be the result of a combination of several factors, which most couples that stay together eventually learn to resolve. In fact, researchers at The Institute for American Values in 2002 concluded after studying 645 individuals who reported unhappy marriages, that five years later, those who remained married reported a far greater degree of happiness than those who had divorced. 66 percent of those who had stayed together reported that they were happy five years later—compared to a 19 percent rate of happiness among those who had divorced or separated.
However, the truth is, about 50% of marriages in America end in divorce. Who is the man who turns a happy, bubbly woman into an an emotional wreck? What are the red flags every woman should look out for? Who is a deadbeat husband?
A Scrub. He is nice, well-read, clean-cut, dresses sharp, smells good, he is romantic, and simply charms the pants off you, but the chinks on the china have become so very obvious lately – he has no substance, can’t keep a job, doesn’t know how to work hard, he lies, and is hooked on keeping up appearances. In fact, not long after your wedding, you found out the car you thought was his was actually a “friend’s”; although he told you he had an apartment, he actually meant the basement of his mother’s house. Somehow, when you met, he worked his way into your life and into your home before these became obvious.
Mr Lazy. All of a sudden, he prefers the woman to be the primary breadwinner for the family; doesn’t mind if she has to work multiple jobs and long hours to keep the household afloat, while he props his feet up on the couch and watches TV all day, then hangs out with “his boys” in the evening. As long as wifey pays the bills, he is fine! She is his ticket to the lifestyle of his dreams.
The Stud. He thinks he is sleek. Has mistresses all over town and makes a name for himself by ‘sticking it’ into any and every female – family friends, in-laws, house helps, the neighbors, church members, colleagues, etc — very much like a dog on heat. Has no respect for himself and his marriage. This dude perfectly fits the dictionary definition of a stud: horses or other animals kept for breeding… . Also known as a player, but more like a male h@& to some. He is an absolute nightmare of a man to be married to and a great source of embarrassment to his wife, kids and society as a whole.
The Crown-less King. He is arrogant, cocky, loud, aggressive, proud, egoistic, controlling. Not fun to be around. Such men are so selfish and self-absorbed, there’s no room in their lives for anyone else but themselves. Unfortunately, most women who find themselves married to these men end up miserable and feeling drained because of how much they find themselves continuously putting out to satisfy or please a man who just can’t be pleased but keeps taking, and taking, and taking. Mr Ego has no understanding of women, doesn’t know how to treat her and is obviously more interested in what she can do for him; “…stroke MY ego; serve ME; be there for ME” is his relationship mantra.The world revolves around him.
A good husband pays attention to his wife, deeply cares about her and how she feels, pampers and loves her. He appreciates her, he is gentle and wants to make life easier for her. He protects his family and is respectful. It is stated in Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This in my opinion, is the foundation on which happy marriages are built.
Thank you for reading and cheers to happy relationships.
Lema Abeng-Nsah is an Entrepreneur, Speaker, Author and Magazine Publisher. She inspires, trains and mentors business owners across the world. Lema blogs on www.blogface2face.com
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