5 reasons why African men make good husbands

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by Lema Abeng-Nsah (Twitter: @LemaNsah)


Photo by BrinsImage Photography

It goes back to the period even before a baby is born to a newly married African couple. In most African cultures, the birth of a boy child often marks an unforgettable highpoint in a traditional African home. He is an inheritor, a direct ‘extension’ of his father, the one who is going to continue the family legacy and take the family’s last name into future generations. This male child grows up with a clear understanding of his role in the family, which translates into his future relationships.

Here are 5 reasons why African men make good spouses:

1. Protector: He simply has to be the man … it’s as simple as that. This goes right to the core of his manhood. The African man is naturally proud; the lion of the family, strong and protective, he prowls around his wife and children – whatever threatens them becomes a direct source of danger to him too. The sense of security he brings to his relationships is what every woman wants.

2. Provider: His role as provider and bread winner for his family comes naturally to the African male, ingrained in him by his upbringing as ‘the man’. He is the provider not only of his immediate family, but also of his birth family – his responsibilities towards the well-being of parents, siblings, nieces, nephews and other close family members is seldom forgotten. The quality of help he provides to those closest to him is one of the things he will always be known for. To marry an African man is to be with a man who takes on his responsibilities as provider very seriously; even when circumstances do not permit him to, he never stops trying to maintain his natural role as head of the family.

3. Committed & respectful: Marriage is a mark of maturity for the African male: the boy has become a man. He takes this step seriously. His wife and the family they raise now define him. He tends to stay committed to his marriage. “My wife”, “my children” are words he proudly utters. An African man with a well-put together family is an automatic success story in the society. While he is not always a saint, he usually goes out of his way to keep his affairs under tight wraps. A man who disrespects his wife gets very little respect from others and is made fun of in the community. He is considered ‘lousy’.

4. Easily satisfied: Well, there’s an African saying that goes, “the easiest way into a man’s heart is through his stomach.” Preparing his favorite traditional meals and providing him meals is key to his happiness. He also likes to be well dressed and appreciates a clean home. Well, we can say he is relatively low-maintenance … except that those traditional meals take hours to prepare.

5. Adventurous: The African man does not mind venturing into the unknown. He would date other cultures, delve into different experiences and is more open to learning new things from his partner. Although he normally presents a strong outwards persona, most African men tend to remain ‘mama’s boys’ throughout their lives, needing their wives to be naturally nurturing.

Certain things like sending flowers, buying lingerie, taking you out for romantic dinners don’t always come naturally to him during the marriage; the good news is, the African brother is very much ‘teachable’.

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Lema Abeng-Nsah is a Speaker, Author and Dunia Magazine Publisher. With over a decade worth of business building experience, she trains and mentors business minded individuals across the world. Lema blogs on Face2Face With Success


Also by Lema Abeng-Nsah on Culture & Relationships

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34 Responses to “5 reasons why African men make good husbands”

  1. An absolutely wonderful piece, and on point. Unfortunately, many women look past these qualities. Brilliant photography by Brinsimage!

    • MAMS FONKENG says:

      Hello people,

      let me start by acknowledging the fact that there are indeed a few african men who are truly gentlemen, but they are very few in #. I am not sure about the men around you, but those who are in my entourage are a direct opposite of those qualities that you mentioned. I wonder what happened to those days when there was true love. African men are very disrespectful. If an African man did something that vexed his woman, he feels like saying he's sorry would make him less of a man, so he puts up an attitude, thereby using a reverse psychology. An african man will not say" baby I love you" especially not around his friends; he thinks this will make him less of a man. African men could go for months without sex, because they are pre-occupied with their own self-centered issues. An african man will only discuss finances with his woman if she is bringing home some change. An african woman looks at her man as a brother, while the husband looks at his wife as a partner. An african man could care less how his woman looks when they go out, but will admire a well dressed woman at the same party. Even when his wife strives to look good for the party, hardly will an African man say"baby you look good". An african man never remember his wife's birthday, the wife on the other hand starts planning in advance for her man's B'day. An african wife will rather starve herself and save the last food in the pot for her husband, but when he returns from "who knows where he's coming from", he doesn't care to say" baby did you already eat something?" An african man does not pay attention to his wife's laungerie; as he does not notice how beautiful his wife is. An african husband does not know his wife's parents' telephone #., but the wife will tell him his parents' tel. # in a heart bit. If you show an african man that you can lift heavy stuff around the house, or do little chores like changing the light bulb, then his wife becomes the weight lifter in the house. Both the african man and his wife return from work; the wife goes straight into the kitchen to make food for the family, Mr. Man will make himself comfy on the couch and after food is ready, Mr. Man will eat and not say "thank you baby". An african man is quick to say "dress the kids up for an event, but does not ask himself "when was the last time he bought clothes for the kids?" African men still have a long way to go, before they can truly appreciate a woman for the up keep of the family.

      I am sorry guys, but this was just my take on this very serious issue; which I personally think should be discussed on every forum. Lots of women are not being treated humainely by our african men.

      Thanks

      Mams Fonkeng

  2. very interesting article…………keep up the goodwork Mr and Mrs Nsah

  3. singlemum says:

    i know of some african men whereas when i read this article,it let me believe it is just a story. those i know are so selfish that they leave their kids alone for the mum to suffer. They don´t support neither their kids nor the woman. Their lifestyle of having all materialistic things are much important to them than a family.Moving from one woman to another is what they consider freedom.The only thing they know is just talk nothing else.

    • Contessa says:

      I somewhat agree with your statement. I have dated three african men and I ended up marrying one last year in 2012. I don't want to say that it was the biggest mistake of my life, but I have been having some regret. The man or should I say young boy I married is different from the guy I first met. He can not explain his with words, he has to write little letters for me to find laying around the house. He is selfish at times and he don't know how to wear the pants in the house. He wants to go half on all of the bills instead of being the man and taking the big buck of the bills. I know that I have to pay bills at home also but he makes more money than me. From the beginning he been saying that he is the man of the house and he makes the final decission. When I went to him to talk about him paying the rent and I will pick up all the other small bills. Wow he starting writing letters and got attitude. He wants to set days when we should have sex. Which are two days out of the week on his off days sometimes it might be one day out of the week.

  4. Kumela says:

    extremely good article, may i ask what really same into your mind Lema. Is it the way daddy nsah is taking good care of u

  5. Kumela says:

    extremely good article, may i ask what really came into your mind Lema. Is it the way daddy nsah is taking good care of u

  6. Keepingitreal says:

    Are you for real. The African men I know are yet to show me what a provider and protector they are. They are lazy and take total advantage of hardworking women.

  7. Nicetalk says:

    I love your article. I surpose there is an African man out there like this, but I have yet to meet one. ALL the African men I know, from brothers, cousins, dad, granddad, uncles, friends etc are NOTHING like the African man you are talking about. What you wrote up there is what we would LIKE them to be, what we should teach our boys to grow up to be because our community has done a lousy job raising them so far.

  8. M says:

    I will like to say there are two types of African men: Bush African & Modern African.You will be surprised @ the bush views of the Oxford educated bush African male.It all comes down to their personal home upbringing.Most African men of my generation are thankfully modern…the bush African genome is slowly ebbing out like a candle in the wind.

  9. Muambo says:

    I have just recently started reading your magazine. I am proud of the effort put into the articles, and hope you continue to write with such fervor.

    That haven been said, i believe this article on "5 reasons why African men make good husbands" is simplistic at best, and misleading at worst. The African woman still continue to remain the bastion of the family. Having a husband is more of a social symbol, in most cases.

    I applaud the reasonings of the writer, maybe the present generation will fulfill the notions stated here.

  10. Irene Easterling says:

    I love this article,,, sisters, just because we know some men who do not possess these qualities, it doesn't mean they are not out there. Like every other culture, there is always the good , bad and ugly.

    Let's lift our men up and encourage them along the way for a better future.

    I know the writer chose to focus on the positive which is O.k given the fact that we need change.

    Lets build and not tear down. Any man who reads this article will do a check.

    Thanks for the wonderful work Biggie.

    Keep them coming…

    • RoKiWa says:

      Thank you Lema for the article; thank you Irene Easterling for your objectivity. Thanks for spreading the power of positive thinking and optimism. Thank you for taking us back to our roots. If men nowadays do not fit this description…men before us did.

      You who thinks that such men do not/never existed…watch out for what you wish/think.

  11. This is a wonderful and inspirational piece from an African Queen with innate, cultural and biological affinities. Looking at the circumstances surrounding our present day era, I wish to give a big THANK YOU to biggie for this revolutionary piece. The Photograph is a clear mark of recognition for the hard earned reputation we African men of this era wish to instill in our peers and children. I am for the Positive and believe one way of bringing out good wishes is via inspirational and motivational praises which is what the author of this article has just done. Keep the good work up. Let’s be Positive in our words, thoughts and deeds.
    I AM PROUD TO BE AN AFRICAN HUSBAND.

  12. mercedes says:

    Well, I don’t know if that’s going to work for me, but definitely worked for you! :) Excellent post!

  13. Thanks. I completely agree.

  14. It is refreshing to hear what is acceptable to the author in a husband. But what is not so refresing in that acceptance is the sense of compromise and an aquiescence in the resolove that the husband will have affairs. Wow, is this progressive or am I still an Ideologue. Monagamy appears to no longer be expected in the accpetance for a husband by the author?

    A good and revealing post.

    Patrick

  15. I love it when people come together and share opinions, great blog, keep it up.

  16. I guess every man who having problem with their manhood should read this information. Will spread your post to my blog readers too. Thank you

  17. Tia says:

    interesting piece my dear. after having observed African men from various countries over the years, but mainly Guinea, Senegal, Ivory Coast Ghana and Nigeria. I can say i am hesitant to agree. Sure they may provide, they are definitely proud. but as a whole, the African men i meet have questionable characteres.

    Many of these men seem to think women can be bought, and let's not even talk about womanizing. I will never forgot a Sierra Leonian man i know who blatantly offered to take care of me if i'd be his pieceon the side, mind you I know this man's wife and 3 small children. It is ok to be proud but arrogance is a totally different thing. Muslim men who chase women, have casual sex but declare in the same breath how devout they are.

    I walk away from my experiences with most african men thinking, warm hospitable people in general but what they do they think noone is looking bothers me. We all have these issues my friend in our communities but i have seen nothing in the way of African men to suggest they are better husbands

  18. Stansials says:

    THIS ARTICLE IS GREAT AND I CANT WAIT TO SEND IT TO MY WHITE GIRL FRIEND. THANKS FOR THE ARTICLE

  19. Anon says:

    This is absolute rubbish.

    Of course there are always exceptions and the like and of course typing people never covers 100% of them but here are my experiences:

    I am male, born in Zimbabwe and lived in the UK for the last 25 years.

    I have met many people and have a lot of friends in the UK, naturally as I grew up there.

    I have known several women who have fallen in love with African men, married and in turn treated like absolute crap. If I was to generalise what I have seen then I would have to say African men are;

    1. Dishonest

    2. Disloyal

    3. Treat their wives like slaves

    4. Don't care about their children

    5. Happy to drink and whore around as long as the wife pays the bills

    I could go on. I have been absolutely amazed and disgusted at how these men come to europe, find their "token white wife" and treat them as a source of income, NOTHING MORE. It is shameful and disgusting.

    But then I am generalising, like you are, 2 different sides of the same coin.

  20. Jesusman says:

    I agree with he article and think the author captures a part of the African man. The African man is so well informed that he has an opinion for everything and this to some foreigners seem like pride. In one of my articles American men do not know how to take care of women, I have exposed some of the same ideas as lacking in most American men. The issue of dominance is very debatable as it depends on their education and diversity. Most of women who have been mistreated overseas are usually victims of marriages for papers. If he was looking for papers, he will marry you. Remember he did not marry the woman for love but for the expediency of getting his legal status to stay int he country. Once he has them, he knows that the only way is for him to misbehave so that you will divorce him, and he can go his way without you sticking on him like chewing gum.

  21. Mweemba says:

    Indeed, that is but just one face of a coin that has two. I'm a black African male. I've dated a european (German) and almost married. Problem I had no job and naturally, I just had to be a provider should we marry. I realised I didn't want to use her and just be home and wait for her pay to sustain us. Out of love for her and respect, I told her that she deserved better. She is now married to a Nigerian man and she is miserable because the guy does nothing for the family. It is a shame.

    I must mention I would marry a white lady anytime. I'm simply attracted to them that black women but I'm not going to marry one simply to better myself. Women deserve better and as the author indicated, I wanna have all the 5 qualities.

    Mweemba@gmail.com

  22. Fuzzy Frisson says:

    I do believe that there are SOME African man that possess most (if not, all) the qualities highlighted by the author but really, they are collectively a framework of a truly decent MAN, not just specifically an African one.

    Still and unfortunately, the one experience I have had with an African [Nigerian] man has been an illusion of such virtues but not a reality. Said reality was him basically talking the talk but never walking the walk; he spoke bombastically about being the strong, protecting and caring man but disappointed abundantly and antithetically to the point where I felt no longer safe with and trusting of him, particularly with my emotions, intellect and innermost.

    In spite of such experiences, my perception of African men generally has not been coloured. As I said before, the post author has highlighted virtues of ANY man. Really, the author shouldn't sugar the African man pill in this general way for there are bad apples among good in that group, just as they are with any other subset of male group. What defines and strengthens such virtues stems from personal upbringing, education (not just scholarly but experientially too) and basic human awareness: that in every aspect of life, there are other entities varying, individual and different from you and in order to ensure harmony, you have to be prepared to give credence and respect to that other entity, with the hope that he or she reciprocates those values.

  23. Peaceful says:

    Maybe there are some African men with all those qualities,but most African husbands l know are domineering,selfish,do not respect their wives,can marry another woman and never care about how first wide is hurting,they don’t care they think of satisfying their lust that’s all,if the wife is working,they don’t help with chores and kids,they think they are the men of the house they don’t do anything in the house except sit,have everything done for them..they are too controlling,dnt listen to their wive’s opinions,whatever they want and say goes..in short they are just selfish.

  24. Tickles11 says:

    As a white woman with a Nigerian man, I can 100% confirm there are men out there as described in this article. My partner is all of those things and more, including loyal. I cook and clean for him and in return he treats me like a queen, he builds me up appreciates everything I do for him – no matter what it is I put in front of him, he always says thank you (even if I have just bought take-away!) When we go out he makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the room, and I know he only has eyes for me.

    Some African men may be as described above, but it is certainly not all of them and I know first hand – I could not have asked for a more perfect husband.

  25. bertrand says:

    I totally disagree the article should have been 5 reasons why African men are not good husbands. I don't have to write it down as the previous comments say them all.

  26. Chocolata says:

    I know an african from the ivory coast and he is all that you write and more! I am totally smitten…but alas he is married; but he takes great pains to keep me happy and hidden. He provides, protects and is very "teachable" – Je suis un Américain en amour avec l'homme parfait africain.

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